Picking the Right Words at the Right Time Examples of Gospel-message truths for children ages 3 to 9 By Greg Thornberg My wife and I have a lot of kids. You’d think between four kids and coming and going foster kids we’d have “the” answer as to how you share the gospel with kids. It should be a piece of cake, but it’s not. The first thing any parent with more than one child knows is that each child has a completely different level of understanding. Zack is our oldest. I can have conversations about salvation in addition to topics such as why Christianity is the one true “religion” or creationism vs. evolution. I can also talk to him about heaven vs. hell or bondage of the will vs. liberty in Christ. But what if your child is doesn’t even understand what it means to “die” or “go to Heaven.” With lack of understanding comes the need to build foundational understanding at the appropriate age and the right time. This difficulty means that we parents should have a few rehearsed lessons on the Gospel for each age so we’re not talking over our child’s heads or avoiding truths that we should be bringing up. In this article I offer four approaches to sharing the gospel message for varying ages—three, five, seven and nine. Each age offers unique challenges and opportunities for misunderstanding. But child will have some functioning level of understanding that we can tap into in order to share the Gospel message. Some children will be more advanced than others and some may be farther behind than normal, so use these suggestions below as general guidelines. What works for my kids won’t necessarily work for your kids. Gospel Message for Three Year Olds Samuel is three. Everywhere we go he holds out three fingers and says, “I’m three.”It doesn’t matter if we’re talking about pizza or asking for directions. Anyone that’s willing to show him some attention hears, “I’m three!” Samuel doesn’t understand what it means to die or for that matter what it means to come back to life. Death and resurrection are biblical topics for another day. When we talk about going to Heaven, he wants to know how long it takes to drive there. And because he’s three, Samuel doesn’t think to ask questions about life. Life is just something he’s passively experiencing. This means that spiritual conversations have to be initiated by the parent. He’s not going to think to ask, “What happens when I die?” or “If no one sees me disobeying, what will happen?” Our primary goal with him is keeping him alive. “Samuel, you can’t put a fork in the electric socket!” “Samuel, you can’t walk in the street!” “Samuel, hold my hand when we walk by cars.” Samuel’s primary job right now is learning to obey. Obedience is probably the starting point when sharing the gospel with him. Disobedience is where the gospel message begins and obedience is the result of the gospel in our lives. I read a children’s bible cover to cover with Samuel at least once a year. I pay special attention to the story of Adam and Eve. As we read the story I stop and asked him, “So what did God say Adam and Eve shouldn’t do?” “Don’t eat the fruit,” he replied. “What happened when they disobeyed God?” I asked. “God told them they had to leave,” he said. My first goal with Samuel is to teach him that God punishes disobedience but rewards obedience. Sounds a bit simplistic, but sharing the gospel with little people requires little answers. Your three year old is not capable of big concepts. You also have to remember that what's small to you is big to them. Take ideas like life and death, for example. My Samuel thinks he understands “death” and “coming back to life.” He’s heard me talking about these concepts to my older kids. But about two weeks ago I decided to take him rock climbing with me. Before we went, I told him that he must obey everything daddy told him because he could die if he disobeys. I thought the word "die" would make my point urgently clear. Instead of getting the response I expected, Samuel said, “That’s okay daddy, if I die God will make me come back to life and we can go climbing again!” My wife jumped in a rescued the conversation by saying, “Samuel, if you disobey daddy and get hurt, the doctors will have to give you lots of shots with needles.” With that, the point was crystal clear--obey daddy or else! Needles and shots are something Samuel understood perfectly. Death was not. Here are a few concepts most three year olds can understand: (1) God loves obedience (2) God punishes disobedience (you don’t have to say how) (3) When you disobey, it gives you a yucky heart (4) Yucky hearts make you feel sad inside (5) Everyone disobeys, so everyone has a yucky heart (6) If you ask God, he can take away your yucky heart and give you a clean heart (7) Clean hearts help us to obey God (8) When we obey God, it makes us feel happy inside Where does Jesus fit into these concepts? Tell your child that when Jesus died, he took our yucky hearts with him to the grave. When he came back to life, he brought clean hearts with him. He gives these cleans hearts to everyone who asks for them. Then ask, “Would you like Jesus to give you a clean heart?” Gospel Message for Five Year Olds Jacob is five. He’s also afraid of heights which complicated matters one day during a home bible study with the kids. I was talking about the end days when God would come to get us. I was expalining, “When Jesus comes, his angels will take us up in the sky so we can be with him.” Hearing that some strange creatures were going to pick us high up in the sky, Jake was terrified. “I don’t want to go up in the sky!” Jake cried. “Honey, it will be fun,” I tried to comfort him. “But I’m scared of heights!” He insisted. “But you won’t be afraid of heights when Jesus comes,” I explained. The lesson screeched to a halt and all of us were doing our best to help Jake feel better about what he just learned. Finally we turned on a video game and started handing out candy just to get his mind off of the conversation. Five year olds can seem "hit and miss." Even the good stuff from the Bible can scare five year olds! Our goal with five year olds is simply to teach important concepts and then help them emotionally handle what they learned. Sometimes the only way to know where your five year old stands is by starting the conversation. Five year olds are beginning to learn independence. They think they're "big" but their confidence is still small. This means your approach to teaching five year olds has to harmonize with their emotional abilities. It doesn't mean that we avoid topics because they may be scary, but it does mean that we shouldn't rush them past their emotional ability. A perfect example is stranger safety lessons. It's around the age of five that we begin to talk about stranger safety. Many children feel scared that a stranger might hurt them, but with ongoing encouragement, the child develops emotional balance and a sense of security. After talking about stranger safety with him, Jake wasn’t about to talk with anyone for fear that person might be a “bad” stranger. For his sake the lesson had to be learned. The bible is full of important lessons that can cause emotional reactions at first. Because kids can get scared, many parents and children’s pastors shy away from teaching young children important biblical topics. In one church I attended, a children’s pastor forbid teaching about Hell to kids younger than twelve “for fear of scaring them” or “because it was too negative.” Yet these same people will teach children stranger safety because “it’s important.” But if stranger safety is important, then matters of eternal consequences are all the more important! Far from being harmful, as your child is mentored through each new life issue, the more confident they will become. The key is to slowly introduce new topics and patiently work through the emotions your child may have as a reaction to what they've learned. This leads to the following question many parents are unsure of: Should you share the topic of Hell with your five year old? While using your best judgment, many five years olds are ready. Here are some dos and don’ts: (1) Do talk about Hell as the way God punishes “bad guys” (2) Don’t use Hell as a way of scaring your child to God (3) Do assure your child that Christian’s won’t go to Hell (4) Don’t say who you think is going to Hell On point number two, some parents incorrectly use Hell as a means to get their children to obey. The problem with this is that fear is not how God produces obedience in Christians. The bible says that a new heart and a new nature are what cause Christians to obey. Where Hell is helpful for children is in assuring your child that God doesn’t let bad guys “get away.” Since God will punish all bad guys, your child doesn’t have to worry about “getting even” when someone does something to hurt them. Hell allows your child to let go, forgive and trust that God will have his way in the end. In this way, the doctrine of Hell can produce hope and confidence in God justice—God has the final say. Here are concepts most five-year-olds can understand: (1) God loves obedience (2) God punishes disobedience by sending them to Hell (3) When you disobey, it gives you a yucky heart (4) People with yucky hearts go to Hell (5) Everyone disobeys, so everyone has a yucky heart (6) If you ask God, he can take away your yucky heart and give you a clean heart (7) If you have a clean heart, you will go to Heaven (8) When we obey God, it makes us feel happy inside (9) Once you get your clean heart, you will never lose it Again, I tell my five year old that when Jesus died, he took our yucky hearts with him to the grave. When he came back to life, he brought clean hearts with him and he gives cleans hearts to everyone who asks for them. After explaining this, I ask, “Would you like Jesus to give you a clean heart?” The Gospel Message for Seven-Year-Olds Madelyn is more confident each and every day. It’s hard to believe the maturity that develops in just a few years from when she was five. She’s learning to be more thoughtful and independent. Often her thoughtfulness is completely unprompted. She’s also more attentive to the needs and feeling of others. This makes certain aspects of the Gospel, such as the character of God, easier to share. One day I asked her to imagine being lost in the forest all alone. “Which is more loving?” I asked, “For me to come looking in the forest for you or for me to send someone else to find you?” “If you came looking for me,” she quickly replied. “This is what God is like," I said, "The Bible says that all of us are like lost sheep. God didn’t send someone else to find us—he came to look for us.” “So God must really love us?” she replied. The fact that she’s old enough to understand what love is and is not helps me to talk about the character of God. They start to understand what it means when the Bible says, "God loves us." John 3:16 is starting to sink in. Some kids will get this more than others, but around seven most kids began to have a functional understanding of love. Love is what the Gospel is all about. Because God loves us, he comes to find us. Because God loves us, he also took the punishment we deserved. To make this point, I said to my kids “Pretend there’s a law that says, ‘Kids who disobey their parents must be shot.’" “That’s really sad, daddy,” Madelyn spoke up. “So,” I asked, “What if the law allowed a parent to give their life for their child? What if I’m allowed to say, ‘Take me and shoot me instead.’?” “Would you seriously do that?” my nine-year-old wondered out loud. “You bet!” I said. “I wouldn’t hesitate to do that.” “Why would you do that?” my nine-year-old asked. “Why do you think I would do it?” I asked, knowing the answer was within their understanding. “Because you love us,” my daughter replied. “That’s how God is. He became a man and took our punishment so we could live,” I said. Isaiah 53:5 says that Jesus "was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him…” His death isn’t sad news but good news. So often parents make the mistake of trying to focus on “how sad it was” that Jesus died when the bible has the exact opposite to say about Christ’s death--the death of Christ is good news! Why? Because he took our punishment so we wouldn’t have to. Here are concepts most seven-year-olds can understand: (1) God loves obedience (2) God punishes disobedience by sending them to Hell (3) When you disobey, it makes your heart dirty (4) People with dirty hearts go to Hell (5) Everyone disobeys, so everyone has a dirty heart (6) If you ask God, he can take away your dirty heart and give you a clean heart (7) You don’t have to be punished for your sins because Jesus took the punishment      for you (8) Jesus’ death is good news (9) Your new heart is proof that Jesus paid for your sins (10) With your clean heart, you will go to Heaven (11) With your clean heart, God will move you to obey (12) When we obey God, it makes us feel happy inside (13) Once you get your clean heart, you will never lose it The Gospel Message for Nine-Year-Olds Zack has learned everything we’ve been talking about above. He doesn’t struggle with understanding that there’s a Heaven and Hell. He understands what Jesus did for him on the cross and that he needs a new heart in order to go to Heaven. What Zack struggles with is understanding. If his sins are forgiven, can he keep on sinning and not worry that God will punish him? How bad can he be and still be a Christian. Zack is entering the pre-teen years where the desire for personal freedoms and autonomy are growing stronger day by day. And just like every other child his age, his desire for autonomy is greater than his mature ability to understand it. He still doesn’t understand the dangers and consequences of bad choices. Because he's still young, there are a lot of things we don’t share with him because he’s too young. He doesn’t know much about sexual abuse other than the fact it happens. He hasn't read the horrors about child murderers and kidnappers. Because his understanding is limited, he often disrespects the boundaries we set for him because he doesn’t fully understand that we’re protecting him from dangers. One day Zack questioned our reasons for not talking to strangers and said, “If I’m all alone talking to strangers, it’s not like they’re going to beat me up or kill me. What's the worst thing they could do? Steal my milk money?” When we heard this, we knew it was time for a discussion on the depravity of mankind and man’s ability to commit horrible sins. Because Zack is only nine, there were still certain truths about the world that he was too young for. But it was time to share some facts with him. Ignorance would eventually harm him, but understanding would protect him. We found some age-appropriate books on sexual abuse and stranger safety one night and read them together. The talk went well and although we tamed down some of the bad stuff, many of the facts were unsettling to him. That night Zack didn’t sleep well, but since then he didn’t question our rules regarding strangers. He more fully understood that we made certain rules to protect him. Until he understood what we were protecting him from, he didn’t fully respect our judgment and wasn’t able to obey them from his heart. Our relationship with God is like that. We think we know what’s in our best interest and tell God that his rules are meaningless. We disregard his word on marriage and end up in a painful divorce. We ignore his word on sexual relationships and end up with AIDS. We scoff at his guidance, demand personal freedom and end up as irresponsible, mean people who hurt those around us. We do this because we don’t really understand. Until God gives us understanding, we scoff at his wisdom and rules. One of the wonderful truths about the Gospel message is that it comes with the gift of understanding. Understanding works through us to produce the fruit of righteousness and perseverance. This is the lesson Zack needed to learn about the Gospel message. In the Parable of the Sower, Jesus said, “But the one who received the seed that fell on good soil is the man who hears the word and understands it. He produces a crop, yielding a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown.” (Matthew 13:23) When Paul prays for the Colossians, he prays for “knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding.” And he prayed “this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God.” (Colossians 1:9-12) This, says Paul, is why receive “the Spirit who is from God, that we may understand what God has freely given us.” (1 Corinthians 2:12). The Spirit is the gift we receive when we are saved. Paul writes, “Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession—to the praise of his glory.” (Ephesians 1:13-14) The Spirit is the one who moves us to obey. As God said, “I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws.” (Ezekiel 36:27) Without the Gospel message, we can’t receive the Spirit. Without the Spirit, we cannot understand. And without understanding, we can’t bear the fruit of righteousness. God uses parents to share the Gospel with children. It’s the job of the Spirit to move your children to understand what we share with them. There’s no shortcut to receiving the Spirit. He only comes to us as part of our hearing the Gospel message. But once we have him in our heart, He opens our eyes and ears to receive the truth and to understand it. Zack exemplifies a child led by the Spirit. I would worry about him if he didn’t understand and walk in the truth that we share with him. But as we share with him the reason behind our decisions, he accepts them just as a Spirit-led child would. I can rest knowing that the Lord will continue to guide Zack in understanding. The Lord will use me here and there to share truths with him, but the Spirit will ensure that he receives the truth with understanding. Here are concepts most nine-year-olds can understand: (1) God loves obedience (2) God punishes disobedience by sending them to Hell (3) When you disobey, it makes your heart dirty (4) People with dirty hearts go to Hell (5) Everyone disobeys, so everyone has a dirty heart (6) If you ask God, he can take away your dirty heart and give you a clean heart (7) You don’t have to be punished for your sins because Jesus took the punishment      for you (8)  Jesus’ death is good news (9)  Your new heart is proof that Jesus paid for your sins (10) The Spirit is the one who gives you your new heart (11) With your clean heart, you will go to Heaven (12) Because you have God’s spirit in you, God will move you to obey (13) The Spirit will help you understand God’s truth so you can obey it (14) When we obey God, it makes us feel happy inside (15) Once you get your clean heart, you will never lose it. God’s Spirit is a        permanent gift. (16) Sometimes we have to obey even when we don’t fully understand because we        know that we may not be mature enough (even as adults) for God to explain        certain things to us.